Me wake up in a rum drunk fit....AAaaarrrrr

Its bout 9:05 in the morn and I be a achin something hurtful. I had me one of them blood gushing wrench o' the heart outta sleepin dreams. It was one where I be spewin curses and hateful things while weilding a sword.
I hope He's watchin his back fore I gouge out his good eye with me cutlass and settle it in a fair evil right. Cant trust a fellow pirate as far as ye can throw one and that there be a right of encantation. If ye walkin peg legged backwards towards a burlesque with a rum filled gullet. Dont trust what ye cant be a seein lad for sure ye be washed up an ship wrecked. Ok
here it goes, I was sleepin sound not a care in me world far as known. I saw me mate wearing girly high heeled boots and a silky lengerie robe so me got angry of it and yelled somethin feirce and he told me he be a lubin frilly things and to deal with it. I told him Imma gonna nail his gizzard to the plank and mast and tell all ye fellow pirates he is a eunuky(SNIP-SNIP). We dualed for somethin like a days light and blood gushed from his brow and chin whilst I laughed in pain and anger. Any hows the dream turned to a frightful sort when I caught me bilge rat of a mate hunkered up with a nasty sort of skinny blonde wench kissin and a thrustin I was madder than a scabby lunk pirate fightin scabbies and blisters on a hot dry rash. He told me to make haste and proceed to walk the plank with all me rights and I wasnt bout to have some sickly peasant cod fish of a whore take on me mate for sport.
What killed me right good mood to the hilt was him tellin me I gotta be leaving me home cause he be leavin the roost too gettin away from ye memories and contrite. I gave him a sneer look and dashed him off the stairs o' the lady's house. Imma going piratin to pass the pain of life and I aint gonna be back til he catches a plague or some ill caught fate.
Im gone to fetch me a fortune chest and live off me life in a quiet way.
Me mate also said me lubin him were a might wrong doin and waste o' time for sure. He was a usin me for sure and be never lubin me.

More will be soon when I get back from adventure.